For me, it is always an issue of perspective and by that, I mean it is entirely too difficult to keep in perspective that “this too shall pass,” “tomorrow is another day,” etc. I just cannot and it is very frustrating, annoying, and most of all, painful. It is excruciatingly painful to constantly remind myself that the life as I know it is not THE END. Logically speaking, I very much know that happiness is a state of mind and completely dependent on how a person perceives his/her world around them. For example, if literally everything in the universe is jolly, this does not automatically guarantee one’s happiness. And so, I am once again in such a predicament. I am certainly not wallowing in my t(f)ears as I once upon a time did many years ago, but then again, I am not really loving life either.
Some people are born happy and others have to try so incredibly hard to even reach half of that natural happiness level. I know I sound so unnecessarily dramatic…and I don’t even have this excuse: But I’m a teenager!
Life is life.
I have always been petrified of making mistakes and right now, I am beyond petrified that I have made the worst mistake of my life. And yet, if I don’t see myself in this reality, I honestly can’t picture myself in any other probable reality. If I wasn’t doing what I was doing now, I don’t know what I’d be spending my time doing… at least in this current reality, I’m doing something and not merely twiddling my thumbs. Right?